20 Anger Management Tips
Posted on 15. Oct, 2008 by Julia Barnard in anger, Articles
The term ‘anger management’ is used to acknowledge that anger is an inevitable, natural human emotion. It is not about getting rid of anger; rather it is about dealing with those emotions so you can express your anger more productively.
Consider the following tips and ideas to assist you in managing your anger:
1. Keep a journal. Such reflection helps you become aware of your anger patterns and as such enables you to do something about them. When thinking about your anger, consider the following:
How long does each anger episode last?
How do you express anger?
How often do you become angry?
What triggered your anger?
How do you feel physically?
How do you feel emotionally?
What do you do when other people get angry with you?
Gaining awareness puts you into a position to think about what you would like to do differently. What is a more productive way to respond?
2. Accept that you do not always have to be right.
3. Learn acceptance of yourself and others.
4. Realise you cannot control the world. You may say “they can’t do that to me”. Actually they can and they did (whether it is right or not).
5. Own your anger rather than blaming the other person for your anger. You have chosen to respond the way you have and this has led to you feeling the way you do.
6. Learn to express your feelings when someone has upset you. So try “I feel angry because of what you just said to me”, rather than saying, “that has made me angry”.
7. Try forgiveness. Let go of anger from your past.
8. Learn how to compromise and accept it is not the end of the world.
9. Count down from 100 until you feel the anger has passed and you are in control once more.
10. Learn ‘thought stopping’. This is useful when you continue to go over and over a particular episode that caused you to feel angry. Consciously stop yourself thinking those thoughts, by saying and thinking ‘STOP’ to yourself.
11. Be assertive. Learn to say what you want and express how you feel, without resorting to verbal or physical abuse.
12. Exercise or do something physical to help release the emotions.
13. Learn how to relax.
14. Listen to the other person and try to see things from their point of view.
15. Learn the right way to resolve conflict.
16. Learn to manage stress.
17. Learn to problem solve:
a) define your problem;
b) choose your goal;
c) brainstorm possibilities and solutions;
d) consider the consequences of each possibility;
e) choose the most appropriate solution;
f) plan and implement your chosen solution;
g) evaluate the outcome.
18. Change your thinking. Thoughts such as ‘never’, ‘always’, ‘must’, ‘have to’ are not realistic and are not helpful. You put a lot of burden on yourself and others when you think this way. Challenge these thoughts and construct more realistic alternatives.
19. See a counsellor.
20. Attend an anger management group
Make the Change: Over 250 Tips for Your Wellbeing and Happiness
Paul
07. Jan, 2011
I read the 20 Anger Management tips and they were very informative. I was wondering if there is any book you could recommend myself to read in regards to controlling anger.
Thanks
Julia Barnard
08. Jan, 2011
Hi Paul. Thanks for your comment. hopefully you’ve been able to put some of my tips to good use.
You may like to read Anger: How To Live With And Without It by Albert Ellis. It will help you challenge your thoughts which leads to anger.
If you cannot get hold of this book than have a look round for other books by Albert Ellis that are less specifically about anger but will help you challenge your thinking nonetheless.
All the best
Julia
Augustine
05. Jan, 2012
the tips here are very helpful, but is there any other websites or books other than the one you specified above, that you would recomend??
cheers
Julia Barnard
25. Jan, 2012
Hi Augustine. You may like to have a look at this page: http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=243&np=291&id=2229
Although it is aimed at teens I think it offers good practical advice.
I hope this helps. Julia
Hmmm…. for some reason the link appears to not be there but it is! Move your mouse over the blank space and you’ll find it!
Matt
16. Apr, 2012
What about strategies when you are suddenly ambushed by someone like a supervisor at work and you were not expecting it.
How do you stop the fight or flight response when you get angry and defensive straight away?
I normally control my anger well unless I am surprised and feel like the blame is unjustified.
Geri
09. May, 2012
my problem is a bit like the above I was ambushed by my boss after I made a mistake.
He made it worse by humiliating me in public which made my anger worse
I dont want to be angry at him anymore really because i have been getting really bad stress
I want to do better and i think he wants to keep being nasty to me so im not going any where near no matter how nice he is and he is but i know he doesant like me I will keep working on my self esteem and do my best to forgive myself for making the mistake and forgive him too
Julia Barnard
11. May, 2012
Hi Geri
I was going to recommend a forgiveness article for you to read but it seems I’ve never written one! However, I have written a chapter on forgiveness in my book Promoting Happiness which you can view for free on Google preview, a link to which is on the same page.
wendymay
29. May, 2012
I’m a person that likes to have a plan well in advanced, get everyone on the same page and then just go for it and get it done.
My problem is that as soon as someone decides they no longer want to work in the same direction that has been put in place, I take it as a personal attack on my ability to organise, achieve, complete something and i find it very disrespectful. So even though it’s because they have upset me it always comes out as anger.
I know this behaviour is now letting both myself, and those people close to me down.
Saying I need to control it is easier said than done. HELP
Julia Barnard
04. Jun, 2012
wendymay – I would suggest that cognitive behaviour therapy would be useful to you – whether in the form of self-help or through counselling. I recommend Albert Ellis – How To Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons
.
vandana
28. Aug, 2012
hi,
i t read the tips that you’ ve given, but i wanted to ask you what to do in situatioons when you ate understood wrong, you are mis represented and you know that people are playing games especially in your job???????????
Julia Barnard
10. Sep, 2012
You may want to try a problem solving technique that you can work through. I give the steps here: http://makethechange.com.au/what-matters-to-you/ in the 4th paragraph.
priyanka
16. Oct, 2012
hi Julia…!
The tips u give r really helpful if anyone follows them.:-)
i m a college student & my anger is on my friends,on small small things,(like if anyone take my pen without my permission )
my qus is dat how can i avoid this type of anger?
Julia Barnard
23. Oct, 2012
Follow the tips
No 9 would be a good place to start.
Chin Up
03. Dec, 2012
The tips are very helpful – thank you.
But I have a question – doesn’t acceptance/forgiveness mean that you’re giving up (e.g. if treated unfairly), admitting defeat (which doesn’t feel very good!) or that you stop caring when you should?
X-man
31. Dec, 2012
Hi Julia
I am fascinated with your anger management tips. I must admit that I have NEVER considered dealing with my anger, but I realise now that it was the MAIN cause of the break of my marriage – the 1st time,the 2nd time & now threatens to break it for the 3rd time(same partner). This has also spilled over to my kids, it has led to road rage, verbal confrontations with family members, physical confrontations with my high school learners & I have narrowly escaped being JAILED! I would like to attend your FREE SEMINARS, where are they held in Cape Town?
hakim haraka
02. Apr, 2013
great
MonsterSinner
08. Apr, 2013
I would use these if I’ve tried them or my parents won’t let me. They just wanna put me on Ad-Hd pills cause i have the to and it doesn’t combine well with anger.
Julia Barnard
20. May, 2013
Hello. I thought you might like to know that I have written a new article that discusses forgiveness as a means of helping you manage your anger. You can find it here: http://makethechange.com.au/learning-to-forgive-as-a-means-of-managing-your-anger/
Best wishes, Julia